Archive for October 2007

Pant Audit

October 25, 2007

It happens less frequently than the Olympics.

Let the pant audit begin

I know what my heavy rotation pants are – they’re all in the wash.
So why can’t I throw out the others.
I don’t want them.  I don’t need them.
I cannot cast them aside.

They’ve been good to me.

Die Calvin Klein Die! 

I will terminate one of them.  So that the others might live.

28.JPGNEEDLE RATING…  2.9 (idling)


Our Two Toilet Rolls – FINAL

October 24, 2007

So what was the outcome of the toilet roll race…

Latest from the toilet - New rolls!

Well, it was 4 – 4 – a rough draw. 
Though I don’t think you can have a rough draw in a contest involving quilted toilet tissue.
Surprisingly, it was Kirstie who had stayed on top of the scores – being the all-knowing master of time space and dimension of anything to do with anything happening around the house.

She said that the normal paper – “mine” – ran out marginally first, but graciously put that down to male stand-up friend who visits regularly (the house, not a toilet term) probably choosing mine over hers.

Only noticed this morning that we’ve kept the two-toilet roll thing going. 
Even more disturbed by the fact I still know which one is mine.

26.JPGNEEDLE RATING…  2.0 (idling)

Pill Roulette

October 12, 2007

Kirstie’s come off the pill.  We went through a turbulent few months (during the run up to the move, funnily enough).  Maybe it was due to me going through some sympathy hormonal mood swings.  Who knows.

Kirstie used to map out the timescale if we were to want children… 
How long it would take her body to eradicate a “sex-life-time of being on The Pill” from her womb. 
(A statistic backed up by every nodding thirty-something woman friend).
And then she would rather helpfully act out how our children would look the longer we leave it to reproduce.

I’m no doctor, Kirstie, are THESE your Pills? Isn't it a Pez Dispenser?

It even got to the point of her complaining about a batch of The Pill which didn’t have the days of the week printed on the packets.  Like I’m keeping track.  She could have been taking Peanut Butter M&M’s for all I knew.
So anyway, she’s off now, and we’re both really happy about that.

It puts us in a new category.  We wouldn’t say we’re “trying” for a baby.  I suppose we’re not trying not to.  There’s no convenient phrase to use for this, which is frustrating – why’s everyone asking anyway?28.JPG

And why isn’t there a phrase for “not not trying” for a kid?

NEEDLE RATING…  2.8 (idling)

Recycling Woes #2

October 9, 2007

I tear off our name and address from every piece of mail before throwing it away.

I think it’s one of “those things” – which doesn’t piss Kirstie off yet, but together will form the ever-growing list of things that she tolerates. 

NEEDLE RATING… 2.0 (idling)

I’m Living Like A Retired Man

October 8, 2007

I’m between contracts at the moment, and living like a retired man.
I am a 35 year old living like a 61 year old retired man.

Today I did some pottering out the back, and started taking down the willow tree at the bottom of the garden. 

Willow Tree Massacre

Kirstie is convinced that the roots will penetrate the sewer just next to it, as it is well on the way to running under the house and bringing that down too.

So here I am snipping away.  And Kirstie will see bringing it this far either as an achievement, or testament to a colossal waste of time.

She’ll either choose to see me as a virulent man who can harness nature, and can handle himself with basic forestry skills.

Or a loser with too much time… and secateurs… on his hands.

Can’t wait to also show her my “decorative bundle of willow” I’ve made for the living room.

26.JPGNEEDLE RATING… 2.6 (idling)

The Kim Jong-Il look is IN!

October 5, 2007

I’m no fashion guru.

Proof of this is (click) here.

Ann Taylor Catalog Model

But there’s no greater sign of peace breaking out in the Koreas TODAY (here)   than this latest design from the ANN TAYLOR catalogue (here) in the US.

Chairman Kim Jong-Il of North Korea

The Chairman Kim Jong-Il khaki jumpsuit look is IN!

Ann Taylor Catalogue Model celebrating victory

“Three tabbed pockets means you’ll never lose those launch codes, generous belted waist for your 38th parallel…
…the weekend jacket perfect for any Demilitarized Zone or Pyongyang Parade.” 

“Dear Leader” - Chairman Kim Jong-Il

Everyone win!

26.JPGNEEDLE RATING… 2.0 (idling)

Pic Of The Tick For The Blog

October 4, 2007

Soon as the lights go out every night this week, we are kept awake by a high pitched whine. 

bugsplatTurns out, it’s not me. 

It’s a bug.  And we won’t get any sleep until I’ve whacked it.

Every night a new bug.

I always get them over the bed – there are so many splats that when you look up, our ceiling looks like it’s covered in those luminous glow-in-the-dark stars that teenagers stick up, but in reverse. 

bug splats on the ceiling

I tried taking a picture of a live one so you could see, but as they’ve been biting us, I’ve been more keen to destroy them before we start to look like Tom Hanks in Philadelphia.
We wondered aloud if they ever bitten someone with the Aids.
Or one of the Foot-And-Mouth cows not so far away.

the bug in our room

Tonight, I got close enough to one to get this picture.
Kirstie heard the silence and called out from the other room.

Whatch’ya dooin’?”  She said.
Hang on, I’m just taking a picture of a tick on the mobile for the blog…

There was a pause.
You know… ten years ago, none of those words would make any sense.
Though, ten years ago, we wouldn’t’ve even known each other

Plus I don’t think its a tick. 
It’s too big.  Maybe its a horsefly.

3.9NEEDLE RATING…  3.9  (increased revs, grating)