Archive for the ‘girlfriend’ category

Wonder Woman Sings You’re Moving Out Today

March 3, 2008

Kirstie and I watched this with open mouths at the weekend.

We’re familiar with the Carole Bayer Sager version…  And while looking for that (don’t ask) came upon this gem from long-time-Wonder Woman Lynda Carter

We could not look away. 
Enjoy!

NEEDLE RATING  2.0 (idling)

I Have Never Groomed My Brows

February 27, 2008

Someone noticed, and laughed, at my eyebrows.  This is a guy, to another guy, in a meeting.

 it is an eyebrow

He’s a friend – we go back years – so I asked, “what… you… pluck yours?”

Sure – don’t you?

Well, clearly not.  I’m not ready to pluck.  I don’t see what I’d gain by removing hair there.  It’s essence of my manhood.  Or, I’m terrified they wouldn’t grow back.  So here is my list of heroes — I am proud to be among your ranks. 

Denis Healey4.  Billie Piper
3.  Brooke Shields
2.  Denis Healey
1.  Animal

26.JPGNEEDLE RATING… 2.6 (idling)

Pant Audit

October 25, 2007

It happens less frequently than the Olympics.

Let the pant audit begin

I know what my heavy rotation pants are – they’re all in the wash.
So why can’t I throw out the others.
I don’t want them.  I don’t need them.
I cannot cast them aside.

They’ve been good to me.

Die Calvin Klein Die! 

I will terminate one of them.  So that the others might live.

28.JPGNEEDLE RATING…  2.9 (idling)

Pill Roulette

October 12, 2007

Kirstie’s come off the pill.  We went through a turbulent few months (during the run up to the move, funnily enough).  Maybe it was due to me going through some sympathy hormonal mood swings.  Who knows.

Kirstie used to map out the timescale if we were to want children… 
How long it would take her body to eradicate a “sex-life-time of being on The Pill” from her womb. 
(A statistic backed up by every nodding thirty-something woman friend).
And then she would rather helpfully act out how our children would look the longer we leave it to reproduce.

I’m no doctor, Kirstie, are THESE your Pills? Isn't it a Pez Dispenser?

It even got to the point of her complaining about a batch of The Pill which didn’t have the days of the week printed on the packets.  Like I’m keeping track.  She could have been taking Peanut Butter M&M’s for all I knew.
So anyway, she’s off now, and we’re both really happy about that.

It puts us in a new category.  We wouldn’t say we’re “trying” for a baby.  I suppose we’re not trying not to.  There’s no convenient phrase to use for this, which is frustrating – why’s everyone asking anyway?28.JPG

And why isn’t there a phrase for “not not trying” for a kid?

NEEDLE RATING…  2.8 (idling)

Recycling Woes #2

October 9, 2007

I tear off our name and address from every piece of mail before throwing it away.

I think it’s one of “those things” – which doesn’t piss Kirstie off yet, but together will form the ever-growing list of things that she tolerates. 

NEEDLE RATING… 2.0 (idling)

I’m Living Like A Retired Man

October 8, 2007

I’m between contracts at the moment, and living like a retired man.
I am a 35 year old living like a 61 year old retired man.

Today I did some pottering out the back, and started taking down the willow tree at the bottom of the garden. 

Willow Tree Massacre

Kirstie is convinced that the roots will penetrate the sewer just next to it, as it is well on the way to running under the house and bringing that down too.

So here I am snipping away.  And Kirstie will see bringing it this far either as an achievement, or testament to a colossal waste of time.

She’ll either choose to see me as a virulent man who can harness nature, and can handle himself with basic forestry skills.

Or a loser with too much time… and secateurs… on his hands.

Can’t wait to also show her my “decorative bundle of willow” I’ve made for the living room.

26.JPGNEEDLE RATING… 2.6 (idling)

Recycling Woes #1

October 2, 2007

Last night I washed out a tin can last night to put out for the recycling.  I put it on the drainer to dry.

20071003_423recyclingbeforesmall.JPG

[RECONSTRUCTION – Before]

Then Kirstie threw it away.

Recycling - Reconstruction - AFTER

[RECONSTRUCTION – After]

As I thought about the eight seconds I’d just wasted, I got a warm feeling thinking that Saving the Planet is effectively in the hands of the Obsessive Compulsives…

28.JPGNEEDLE RATING…  2.8 (idling)